Pretty Potables: Mario Paint Muse

Mario Paint MuseFor literally tens of years fancy artists have needed a little help getting the creative juices flowing. That is why full-time pirate and part-time potter Captain Morgan invented alcohol. Yes, trusty booze will get those juices flowing all right! Straight out the pee hole and into the urinal. This is how Marcel Duchamp was invented. And that’s your history lesson for the day. Drink this while listening to this week’s show:

  • 1.5 oz Lucid Absinthe
  • 2 oz Pineapple juice
  • Mint leaves
  • Lime wedge
  • Sprite
  • Skittles
  • Novelty ice cubes with flies inside.

Muddle the mint leaves with the lime wedge in a shaker. Add the Lucid Absinthe, pineapple juice and fill with ice. Shake briefly and strain into a tall glass filled with fresh ice. Top with Sprite and garnish with a mint sprig and lime wedge.

Dump a rainbow of Skittles into the glass.

Serve from the belly button of a stick figure doing sit ups.

When the drink is drank, notice the novelty flies at the bottom of the glass. Throw them all over the room and swat furiously. Your guests will love you for it.

Before long you’ll be seeing a green fairy, a filthy piggy, or the grim reaper. Works great as a either a cocktail or a paint thinner – drinkable turpenoid if you will.

Pretty Potables: Humble Pie Mudslide

Humble Pie MudslidePut down the Tecate and break out the food stamps and trustfund checks, because it’s time for an indie treat that’ll have you bursting out of those skinny jeans in no time. In honor of the Humble Indie Bundle 6, we’ve whipped up a Humble Pie Mudslide, a confection that has all the deliciously ironic accessibility of a night at T.G.I.Friday’s and is hand crafted with locally sourced generic shit.

  • Miscellaneous Coffee Liqueur
  • Off-brand Irish Creme
  • Grotty Vodka
  • Store Label Half & Half
  • Dubious Vanilla Extract
  • Not-Oreos
  • Refrozen Ice Cubes

Toss everything into a blender and grind away until you have a pungent sludge that looks and smells amazing. Pour into up-cycled 40 oz. bottle in a brown paper bag. Some separation will occur as the drink settles. This is a metaphor for how you will separate from your ideals and dreams as you settle down and become totes mainstream. Feel anxiety. Listen to Girl Talk. Remind yourself that your taste in things is what makes you superior to other people.

Pretty Potables: Handsome Jack & Coke

Handsome Jack & CokeArm yourself for this week’s episode with a Handsome Jack & Coke in the mouth. This drink feels good going down, but just might try and kill you.

  • 1 oz. Jack Daniel’s
  • 1 oz.Tequila
  • 8 oz. Coca-Cola Zero
  • 3 drops Slag (Grape Dimetapp or Grape Syrup)

Pour the Jack, Coke, and Tequila into into a hip flask. Add a couple drops of slag. Store in a mini-fridge conspicuously identified by a green LED. Load the mini-fridge with money, firearms, springy novelty snakes, and an angry midget.

When feeling your smarmiest, open the fridge. Surprise! All sorts of stuff is flying out at you! It’s awesomely overwhelming. Awesowhelming!? Overwhelsome?! Awewhelmish!

Holster your flask and reload as necessary.

Warnings: Little people may die if you put them in refrigerated boxes. You may die if you drink alcohol and cough medicine mixed together – despite what Moe Szyslak may have taught you. This recipe should not be used for the purposes of killing yourself or others.

Pretty Potables: Apple iTini

Apple iTiniThis week’s show is best enjoyed while slurping on an Apple-iTini. Making your own at home is easy, and only violates a handful of patents.

Combine equal parts:

  • Canadian Whiskey
  • Apple Schnapps
  • Cranberry Juice

Shake with ice and pour into a rounded rectangular glass. Manufacture the shaker and glass in Shenzhen to save money on the supply chain. Serve with a chilled apple slice with a single bite taken out.

Make 5000 and, using everything you’ve ever learned, calculate which ones have the smallest differentiation for the most perfect cocktail!

Pretty Potables: Gyshal Greens

Gyshal GreensIn preparation for this week’s episode of the podcast, mix up a batch of Gyshal Greens, a refreshing summer cocktail that’s sure to bring all the chocobos to the yard.

Start by making an Arnold Palmer. Combine equal parts:

  • Iced Tea
  • Lemonade

If you’d like, you can make it into a Laura Palmer by wrapping it in plastic and talking backwards.

Gin up the teetotaling treat with some gin. Add mint leaves for that wild zest. Serve over ice. Kweh.

Please be aware that riding chocobos who are under the influence may be illegal in some states. Check with your local sheriff, maester, or Fal’cie god face before riding.