Unlikely Borderlands 2 DLC

No doubt in the coming months Borderlands 2 will offer us the opportunity to exchange actual money for the privilege of looting oodles more imaginary guns and selling them to cartoon people for simulated money. We believe this process will end the recession.

But, what does the future of Borderlands 2 Downloadable Content hold? With our crystal ball in hawk, it’s up to us to speculate in the grand theater of the imagination. More bonerfarts? One can only hope. Keep reading for all of our pretty pretty predictions.

  • “Cute in a Stupid-Ass Way”, a song reference to “Jackie” because there is a line about a Handsome Jack. Maybe they knew of it! Yeah, you get to be Handsome Jack. Or a facsimile thereof.
  • New Character: Meryl Streep as The Iron Lady.
  • Gay friend mode. It’s a character class that just makes fun of what the enemies are wearing until they walk away all sad.
  • “Butt Stallion Rides Again”, you’re a diamond horse! This is clearly Homosexual Mode.
  • “Ellie’s Cream Pie Bakeoff”
  • “The Vault Hunter of Oz”, changes enemies and skins to fanciful creatures of Oz! Sanctuary is the emerald city!
  • Vamp N’ Vogue Dance-Stravaganza
  • “Son of Claptrap”, annoying robot class! Shoot screeching voice lasers, make enemies kill themselves, collect minions!
  • Sally Fields stars in Not Without My Daughter.
  • Shlomo the Mohel with circumcision action skill.
  • New Character: Sherman the well-intentioned gun control lobbyist.
  • “Pandatown” land of pandaful pokéman pals.
  • Thunderdome DLC, it lets you fight various iterations of Tina Turner.
  • Hotlips Helen, the Kissingest Grandma.

What downloadable content would you like to see. Tweet with the hashtag #BL2DLC, or let us know your secret desires in the comments.

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